Love is as love does. That’s my simple summary statement this morning. You don’t need to listen beyond this point if you understand this: Love is as love does. I thought I’d tell you this now, here at the beginning, in case you had other things to think about. Of course, given that the word love is one of the most overused yet least understood words in the English language, it might not be a bad idea to give some attention to the status of your loving over these next few minutes.
We use the word “love” to refer to a whole host of widely disparate feelings, emotions and relationships. We say we “fall in love” when we have strong physical, sexual and emotional attraction for another person. But then, too, if you’re a car enthusiast you might say you love your vintage Corvette. If you have a favorite family pet, you might claim you love your dog or cat – she’s a full member of the family, you might say. If chocolate is a favorite, you might find yourself saying that you love it. Sexual engagement is translated today as “making love.” We speak of brotherly and sisterly love, love between friends, love of money, love of oneself.
It’s no wonder that so many people report they have great confusion over this matter of loving. Contemporary culture provides few moorings upon which to anchor ourselves in this. There appears to be little agreement concerning the requirements for authentic love, and so we may find ourselves muddled about our own intentions when we invoke the word.
What do you really mean when you say, “I love you?”
Certainly much gets labeled as love that has nothing whatsoever to do with it. Sometimes it’s saddled with masking abusive behavior, or self-serving, manipulative behavior. Sometimes sexual exploitation is presented as love. I know from my work that authentic love can seem complicated, confusing and very elusive for many people.
Then there is the rampant cultural assumption that love ought to be easy, simple as 1, 2, 3. Experience teaches something else, but this fantasy desire dies hard, and some will consistently behave as though it should be easy, so that anything which borders on the difficult sends them bouncing from one person, one friendship, even one church to another, never giving themselves permission to do the work of love.
Missing the payoff of warm feelings and easy times, we can believe love is in very short supply in the world, resisting to learn that love exists wherever and whenever we will it to exist.
Because love is as love does.
Jesus said, “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” You will note that he did not say love was a warm feeling. Go forth and feel warmly towards people. The example he gave was laying down one’s life for another. Not a feeling, not even a desire, really. Instead, the will to act.
The desire to love is not the same thing as the will to love. The distinction becomes clear when we compare the sentences, “I desire to go swimming,” versus, “I will go swimming.” The second implies intention and action. So simply desiring to love, while often a precursor to the real thing, cannot replace real love. This is a very common misunderstanding. (M. Scott Peck)
That’s because love is as love does. Love is active, not passive. Whenever we choose and then will to act for good on behalf of another, we are involved in the work of love.
Through quiet tears, Mary told me about another failed relationship. Now in her mid-forties and nearly desperate to find the right partner, she questioned whether it would ever happen. She had always believed there was just one person who was her true soul mate. Each of her relationships started out well, but at some point each fell flat. There always came that day when she awakened to the feeling she was no longer “in love.” What was wrong with her? Mary asked.
I told her I had no idea if anything was wrong. But, I did know that even if she ever were to find her true so-called soul mate, there would inevitably come the day when she would roll over in bed and think to herself, “What on earth am I doing here?” Then, I added, would come her opportunity to discover what love was more nearly about, because at that moment she would have to choose to love or not.
Though we’re allergic to this truth, love really has a lot to do with choice. We would rather think of it as something that happens to us than as something that is created by us. I think this allergy helps explain why there’s so little of it in our world and how easy it is to lose.
Love is as love does. The desire to love is not the same thing as love. The test comes when examining what one actually does.
“My command is this: love each other as I have loved you.” There is no other statement, no other teaching in the Bible that’s any clearer than this. If you were to summarize in a single sentence the primary teaching of Jesus, this is it. And, if someone then questioned what you meant by love, you could respond that it moves along a continuum that ends with this: greater love has no one than this, to lay down one’s life for another.
In the ultimate sense, the very most I can do for another is to hand over my life. That’s the model Jesus presents. Now, on a daily basis, we aren’t usually called upon to give up our physical lives. But, if we are intent upon really loving, then we live with the will to extend ourselves for others. The promise that comes with our faith is that the more we give ourselves in love, the more our own lives become transformed by love. And, at the end, even death itself is swallowed up by love.
But be clear, this sort of love has no tangible reality unless it is acted out in the world. When Tertullian, a Christian convert who became a prominent theologian of the second century declared, “See how the Christians love one another,” he is not referring to expressions of warm desires and feelings between them – as though they frequently exchanged lovely Hallmark cards. He’s referring to how they acted, what they did, what the contents of their lives revealed. They put themselves – their possessions, their commitments, their lives – on the line. They extended themselves to others. They acted in love, for love is as love does.
There is no higher calling for the living of our days. Alas, it appears less easy in the doing than we would like. C. S. Lewis wrote: “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one…. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in the casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—[your heart] will change. It will not be broke; [instead] it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable… The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love…is Hell.”
And so, it is that which we do from time to time: fashion our own custom designed versions of Hell, hoping against hope that love will be easy as you please. To love authentically requires one to be a risk taker. To love at all is to be vulnerable in action. One cannot love and simultaneously maintain a controlled and steely existence, or an existence in flagrant disregard for others.
The sort of love we read, sing, and speak about in here is manifested best in the life of a man who said, “Love one another as I have loved you,” who was then summarily betrayed, arrested, and left for dead by the very ones to whom he addressed himself. That’s the prescriptive example of divine love. That was God’s definition.
The miracle, the thing we celebrate in the Easter season, is that this sort of love ultimately triumphs in this world. As the First Letter of John says it: “For the love of God is this…that whatever is born of God conquers the world. And this is the victory that conquers the world, our faith.”
Love is as love does. There are so many things to be done that range from feeding a hungry person, to listening to a friend’s turmoil, to asking forgiveness of a co-worker, to spending time with children, to giving generously, extravagantly, of our material resources, to learning how to build lasting, committed relationships, to working for justice for all people.
To actively love is a radical way of living in the world, surely the most radical way there is. To actively love is a life stance, a way of orienting ourselves in the world. To love authentically stakes a claim on what matters most in this life, and it runs counter to much of what we experience day-to-day.
A daunting, inspiring challenge. Thank God we have one another. Thank God we have the rock-solid, sustaining model in Jesus and his abiding presence. Thank God for love.
The Reverend Stephen P. Bauman
May 21, 2006 - Sixth Sunday of Easter
Acts 10:44-48; 1 John 5:1-6; John 15:9-17
Christ Church United Methodist,
located at Park Avenue & 60th Street in Manhatta.
# Retirado do site www.christchurchnyc.org
